


Close Your Eyes (Clear Your Heart)

by winchesterss



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Fading Grace, M/M, Season 9 Spoilers, lots of sadness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-03-28
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-20 02:39:43
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,348
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3633612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/winchesterss/pseuds/winchesterss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Both Sam and Dean had picked up on the fact that something was wrong. It was a miracle that Cas would ever have thought that the brothers wouldn't have realized it.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Close Your Eyes (Clear Your Heart)

**Author's Note:**

> This is a little short piece I wrote up after I finished Season 9. There are spoilers up until s9, e23, so if you haven't watched yet, you might not wanna read. I'm currently writing a longer fic that I'm splitting into two parts, so look out for that if you like this and want to read more. Enjoy! x

Both Sam and Dean had picked up on the fact that something was wrong. It was a miracle that Cas would ever have thought that the brothers wouldn't have realized it.

It was a heightening worry, the subject of Cas’ fading grace. Every time he showed up, the bags under his eyes were a little darker, and he looked a little wearier, and every single time he looked just a little more utterly, completely _human_. Dean couldn't count how many worried looks he’d exchanged with Sam in the weeks since he’d come back.

So when Cas had showed up next to the table where the brothers were doing research looking the way he did, Dean dropped everything he was doing.

The angel was swaying in his spot, his eyes fluttering, an eerie brightness surrounding his eyes, nose, mouth, and ears. He was breathing shallowly.

“Cas?” Sam asked in alarm, shoving his chair back and standing up, Dean following suit.

“Yes, s’me.” Castiel slurred, his eyes closing for a good ten seconds before opening again. Dean couldn't breathe.

“Cas, man, what’s the matter?” Dean asked, his voice shaking. The angel swayed again, stumbling. Dean steadied him with a hand around his bicep.

“I - I don't,” Cas said, taking in a rattling breath and coughing weakly. “I don't feel good.”

It was then that Cas crumpled, his knees buckling. Dean followed him down to the floor.

“C’mon, Cas, buddy. Take it easy, yeah?” Dean asked, his eyes wide and voice trembling. Sam kneeled beside them as Dean sat down on the ground, pulling Cas’ upper half into his lap. The angel whimpered.

“It hurts. I didn't think that… that it would hurt.” Castiel breathed, his face twisting into a grimace and a tear leaving his eye. “This grace… it’s depleted.”

Dean shuddered, placing a rough hand on Cas’ cheek. He turned the angel’s head so that they were looking each other in the eye. “I thought - won’t you just stay human?”

Cas shook his head, half shut eyes never leaving Dean’s. “I had hoped so. It doesn't seem that way, anymore.”

“What - Cas, no.” Sam said, his lips pressing together, eyes welling with tears. “There’s gotta be some way to fix this, we’ll find you more grace -”

“I don’t have much time.” Cas said hoarsely. It was beginning to take a lot out of him to speak. “I need to…”

The brothers collectedly held their breath as Cas swallowed. There was a cold sweat forming at his hairline. Dean’s hand was still cupping his jaw.

“Sam. I wanna… let you know that I'm proud. You've done so much, saved so many people, and the world is a better place because of you. You stopped the - the damn _apocalypse_. I was lucky to have you in my life. In the millennia that I've existed, I don't think I've met a braver soul than yours.” Cas said weakly, fading eyes fixing Sam with a meaningful look. “Thank you.”

Sam’s eyes were shut, his breathing heavy. He was shaking his head.

And then Cas’ eyes rose to Dean’s, and something broke in both of them.

Cas’ face twisted into a grimace, and his eyebrows knitted together as a sob escaped his mouth. Dean wasn't doing much better.

“Oh, Dean.” Cas heaved in a sharp breath, more tears leaking from his eyes, and Dean was a mess. “I - I do not think there are words -”

“Stop it.” Dean said, raw emotion leaking from his voice as he spoke through his teeth. “We're gonna - we're gonna fix you, buddy, I promise -”

Cas shook his head sadly. One of his hands came up to cover the one Dean still had planted on his face. “You can't save everyone, Dean.”

Dean’s lips pressed together, and he shot his brother a helpless look. “ _Fuck_ , Cas, you’re not everyone. We're gonna fix him, right? Tell him, Sammy, tell him that - that he’s gonna get better.”

Sam’s shining eyes met Dean’s, and at that moment he knew.

“No.” Dean snapped, his mouth twisting with grief as he looked down at Cas. He wasn't moving. Dean’s heart stopped.

“Cas?” He asked shakily, eyes darting around the angel’s face. “Cas, buddy?”

When there was no response, Dean gripped Cas’ other cheek and shook him around a bit. Relief coursed through him when the angel’s eyes fluttered open with difficulty.

“Dean.” Cas whimpered, the hand that wasn't covering Dean’s reaching up between both of Dean’s arms to cup his cheek. “I love you.”

And then his arm dropped, his breath stuttered, his eyes slid closed and _no, no this isn't happening not now Cas stay with me_  -

“Cas?” Sam choked out, reaching out and grabbing a fistful of the trenchcoat.

Dean was shaking his head. “No, goddammit.” He whispered, gripping Cas’ chin in one of his hands and using the other to smack his cheek a few times. “Wake up, goddammit.”

Sam slowly took his hand away, his voice shaky with tears. “Dean, he’s -”

“ _He's not gone_!” Dean shouted, a sob wrecking through him. “God - _fuck_ , Cas, get up, please get up, I love you.”

Sam watched in pity as Dean kept whispering, _I love you, I love you, buddy, please, Cas, don't do this to me_ , and the thought that was going through his head was probably the same that was going through Dean’s; Cas had never gotten to hear Dean say it back.

Dean’s eyes were so filled with tears that his vision was blurring everything together. “ _Please_ ,” He whispered, completely broken. And then something amazing happened.

They could tell to close their eyes from the shrill, ear-piercing noise that started to rattle through the room, and Dean pulled Cas up closer to him so that the angel’s body was upright in his lap. Dean buried his face into Cas’ limp shoulder as Sam squeezed his eyes shut and plugged his ears.

And then everything was bright, and Dean thought, _this is it_.

But then the light dimmed, the noise faded into faint humming, and as Sam and Dean looked around, eyes bleary with tears, an all-powerful voice was thundering down upon them.

“ _I have brought Castiel back many times, but this was not supposed to be one of them_.”

Dean whimpered. He didn't know what was happening anymore. “I don’t know who you are, but _please_ , please, bring him back. I’ll do anything -”

“ _You have to do nothing, Dean_.” The voice continued. “ _I see that you have a little problem, as well_. _I will fix you and Castiel under one condition_. _Castiel will no longer be granted any grace_. _I'll bring him back as a human._   _Take care of him_.”

And then everything was white again, and too loud, and then it just wasn’t.

Silence was the first thing that registered. Sam’s frantic eyes meeting his was the second. And then, Sam was glancing at Dean’s right forearm, and his eyes were bulging.

“ _Dean_.” Sam breathed. “The mark.”

And Dean looked down, too, and saw nothing on his arm. The mark was gone.

“Am I still…” Dean started, but then he realized. He felt. He felt the hard floor numbing his limbs, felt the beginnings of a headache fringing around the edges of his mind, felt his stomach rumbling with irrational hunger. He was human again.

And then the warm body in his lap started shifting, and a gasp flew from Cas’ mouth, eyes jerking open, all of this from where he was seated sideways in Dean’s lap.

“ _Cas_.” Dean whispered, winding his left arm tighter around his friend as his trembling right hand came up to stroke his cheek. “You -”

Dean couldn't finish, choking off his words as sobs began to tremor through him, and he pressed his nose to Cas’ neck.

“Dean.” Cas breathed, his arms jerking up to Dean’s face, pulling him up so that they were looking at each other. The former angel pressed their foreheads together, breathing in shakily. “ _Dean_.”

This time, when Dean pressed whimpered ‘ _I love you_ ’s into Cas’ skin, the other man was there to hear every single one of them.


End file.
